I regularly peruse the latest Hacker News listings on my way to work. I skip most articles, skim a few, and occasionally choose one to deeply engage with. Today, my scrolling was especially valuable — I found an article that made me a better person.

The article, (and the one it references), calls out the negativity that surrounds all variations of the phrase: “Why didn’t you just…?”

Whenever you look at a problem somebody’s been working on for a week or a month or maybe years and propose a simple, obvious solution that just happens to be the first thing that comes into your head, then you’re also making it crystal clear to people what you think of them and their work.

I shivered as I read this. I’m absolutely guilty of saying this to my colleagues — and for the first time, I was looking upon its ugly character. It’s insulting and shows a lack of respect for the other person’s intelligence. This is never my intention, but even if it were, it’s unacceptable to communicate with another person that way.

When I say “Why didn’t you just…?”, it doesn’t come from a place of assumed intellectual superiority, it comes from a place of curiosity. I’m really seeking a better understanding of the problem’s subtleties. There’s almost certainly something I’m blind to and I want to see it. It would be folly to assume that the first thing to pop into my head somehow takes into account all of the nuances understood by someone who has deeply engaged with the problem.

The article ends by pondering how we can change the phrasing to convey our actual intent (and not insult our friends in the process). I have a couple proposals. Instead of saying “Why didn’t you just…?”, we can ask “What alternatives did you explore?” or “What unexpected difficulties have you come across?” Both of these alternatives express our intention more accurately. More importantly, they show that you are interested in the other person’s work. They facilitate a collaborative discussion instead of putting one person on the defensive. I’m excited to try these out.